Starting on another new path...stumbling over rocks as I go..

Egad where do I start....I have lost two of the dearest people in the world to me,but I feel my moms strength in me, as much as I felt the weakness I felt when my soulmate of 13 years died, we were never married, maybe we weren't suppose to be I don't know I am confused about so many things and some times it can be maddening unless you believe in God and I do...I didn't always though, being brought up Catholic I believed if you did something wrong it was like ....you received  black dots on your forhead..it you got to many then the venial sin turned into original sin and then you had to count them all up....and write them down before confession...that was a lot of work for a kid like me who really never wanted to be in trouble..I wanted to be a nun...and had I had enough brainwashing at the time...like most good I talian families do..I do remember as a little kid feeling like thereis something God wants me to do..maybe it has always been wishful thinking...because up till now I really have never felt this close....Lots of details without names....but I bet in heaven your name doesn't mean a lot ,because you get to come back if you want to,,,,,at least that's what the voices in my head are telling me as I write them down to you...I really have no one else to turn to....and this is a very spiritual thing for me...im not out to make money...I just wondered if anyone would look ...and if anyone would be able to understand my journey

This is my momma,she is dieing and i know it and she knows it,the rock of our family I dont know what we will do without her,I want her to eat so badly but she wont,i need medical marajaana to pass ...smething...Although it will be so hard for me,I know she will be ok....my family and i are going through a dispute as this wonderful soul will finally get to be with my dad,as i walk from my house to hers I always look in the window of my studio to see if Billys shadow is in there,once I thought I saw it...i know he is with me.....and I feel my dad with me as well,I know he gives me my strength...he wants mom to be in her house ,I feel it....Why do I have to be the one to feel it.....Why cant my brothers see it......Are the nurses at the nursing home going to sleep with her at night.....go out and buy her ice cream,,,,,I feel he is calling her home....Last night an amazing sign happened....moms marriage certificate fell off the wall,mom had a dream that my dad sat on the edge of her bed and ask her to marry him again.....pretty simple sign...I think dad can help her home easier,because he is here waiting for her...i dont know.....Its a very hard time in my life again....My sister in law said....its been 2 years....since Billy died...you said you were going to get counseling......for what to tell me that i feel like my dad and billy are looking out for us.

my new normal???

Well here i am again ....I look back at this blog...Cabin Girl and I get swept back again into my memories...You see Billy Died.....There is no one in my life that can fill that void. It will be a year soon and I still feel so sad without him yet...Let me start by telling my story..Its a long one filled with lots of joy and pain,hopes and dreams..desparity...but a longing to be the best I can be.

I am going to start counseling maybe I needed it a long time ago,maybe I don't need it at all and others around me do...Guess that remains to be seen...But this could be a journey if nothing else until I see him again...and I guess it could make me a beter person can't hurt right?

This is a picture of Billy and I.I will post a better one later

Its been a while since I have been here hope everyone ou there is well.
I have been taking a class.Multicultural Classroom for Early Childhood Education. I should be doing homework but I am escaping for a while.
I have been remodeling my studio but setting up my school office and drawing table in my backyard studio. Billy is going to learn how to be organized so he tells me. My biggest highlight last week was to see Barac Obama in Springfield at the Old State Capitol.....What can I say I like the mans character my co workers are all ridgid republicans I am the only democrat in the whole building Oh well thats what makes America great right! I still think theyre crazy

May today there be peace within

Lets try blue today. Ilove the color palette! To all my readers and I have so many I wish you peace today and I challenge you to do something nice for someone without even a reason. I am a liberal and proud of it.
I dont know about any of you but I get really tired of people calling people who are liberals..spineless,cut and run fanatics. In my mind it takes much more effort and knowledge to get to know other cultures ,and much harder yet to allow them to let them know us than to order men to combat. What are these men really dieing for? My God we are talking about young men and women struck down before there young lifes begin. Yes we have the terrorist but has anybody ever tried to understand there culture? We are to busy name calling and accusing to even begin to understand what the Iraq children must be going through. Look what our scum bag politicians [on both sides our doing to each other] Is this the only way we can relate to people? Yes I DO BELIEVE WE SHOULD GET OSAMA....BUT......Why are we in the middle of a war where he is not? Or at least wasnt. Our world is in sad shape and beyond all the suffering of our poor,old and young children in this country When will the people we elect ever choose to hear us. I heard Mrs. Cheny accuse CNN last night of being pro democratic Does she think that the media just makes this stuff up? Her husband would choose the fox network[ Theres a class act they cant even speak without reaming the democrats. How ironic that Vice President Cheney only watches Fox in his hotel rooms. I cant wait until the truth comes out about all of them but then again who wants to here the smut? It is my prayer for the American people that whom ever we choose will have an understanding of the simple folks,the old, the children all over the world, and how God would really want us to act
This add is approved by my simple self

I forgot to put in Tarzan

This is a mural that I just finished . It took me about a week. It measures about 10ft.by8ft.My next work will be in a tanning spa a sunset pic. I am ready to get out of the jungle. Music that inspired this one was my Train CD

This is my guy now

1. This is my hero now

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My favorite guy....

When I was a little girl I use to dream someday I will grow up and meet a man that would treat me like a princess. I must tell you I went through many experiences even a thirteen year marriage, looking for someone just to love me as I am. I am writing this because I feel I am so lucky and sometimes we take life for granted. This guy wakes up and makes me coffee,this guy tells me every morning how much he loves me, this guy after being in constuction for years found out two years ago he had bone cancer,but refused even though in great pain to not give up.He would build me up when I was down. He went through a stem cell transplant using his own cells and thank God reached remission.Today we our buying property and remodeling it because to him working makes him happy.[I'm working changing on that idea!] I guess hes showen me how much determination,love,and laughter can make a difference in life.I wish everyone out there could be as lucky.All I can say is hang in their you will meet your hero!

New information on social/emotional issues for children

Today I went to a very insightful workshop for teachers dealing with the ways teachers approach children with behavior disorders. The strategies involved the ways teachers approached the child basically with affirmation of the childs feelings compared to rewards for positve behaviors. The methods dealt with understanding how the brain works each part reflecting a different behavior.
The front of the brain [control,responsibility,passive behaviors] tThe inner part reflecting emotional responses[fear,guilt,happiness etc.] The stem of the brain taking control of the agressive nature[[impulse reations such as hitting,biting etc] Methods included affirming feelings and offering the child a safe place to get feelings under control. Deep breathing,eye contact as well as touch are some ways to help the child regroup so to speak. I am curious as to how many teachers are familiar with Becky Baily and if these methods have been helpful in there classroom community? With the problems children are facing now a days we need to revise our methods because it is obvious to me we need more than what we have been taught. It must start at an early age. All children in our fast pace lifestyle are at risk.